Each individual has a different perception about what cheating is. So how do you know if cheating is cheating or if it’s merely temptation in a different form?

Women see kissing and sex more of an emotional rather than a physical experience. Men think the opposite. If these aspects differ from each gender, then cheating may mean different for each gender too.

Basically speaking, exchange of body fluids with another person who isn’t your spouse can immediately be considered as cheating. Kissing is somewhat forgivable, but it is usually what leads to sex. So can kisses be concluded as cheating?

If the event didn’t go any further than a kiss, is it because they knew what they were doing was wrong or because they felt guilty that they were already cheating their partner? In this case, a guilty kiss can conclude that the cheater doesn’t want to cheat on his lover.

Kisses can be influenced by different factors but the most common kind of cheating kiss is the drunken kiss. Kisses influenced by alcohol can mean that the thought is clouded and judgment is unclear. Sometimes, cheating kisses happen because the cheater wants to get attention from the opposite sex and prove that he/she still has worth.

Sex on the other hand is unquestionably cheating. If someone tells you that he/she had ‘accidental sex’ with someone, then that person is an idiot. There is always time to think before doing the act. If the cheaters plan to meet up, then they would possibly talk about where to do it. This time will give them enough time to realize and think about what they are about to do. Unlike cheating kisses, alcohol influence is not an excuse to deciding to have sex with someone. No matter how drunk you are, you always know what you are about to do when it comes to sex.

Flirting on the other hand is just a means of stroking the ego. However, if the person is not contented with flirting, this may eventually lead to kissing and having sex with a person other than the main partner. Flirting is healthy in a relationship and I bet you have done this yourself from time to time too. But it shouldn’t lead to kissing or sex or else it will then be considered cheating.

How about porn and strip clubs? Can you say that it’s cheating when you see your partner watching porn movies and going to strip clubs? Do not jump to conclusions. Make sure you ask your partner the reasons behind this ‘hobby’ and why they enjoy doing so. If your partner likes porn and strip clubs, it does not instantly equate that he wants to sleep with the stripper.

If you are in this kind of situation, think of it as something to be thankful for – that your partner is not out there fulfilling his physical desires. Deal with the situation as calmly and rationally as you can. But be cautious too because looking at strippers is definitely different from getting a lap dance from one of them. It transcends to a more intimate level from visual to physical.

It is just the same as you and your home. You will eventually notice that something is not right because you already know where everything is placed inside the house. Same is true with your girlfriend. Because you already know her and have been with her for quite some time, you will easily notice when something isn’t right about her actions or character.

Your girlfriend’s car and the bedroom are two of the most noticeable places where you can investigate changes. Take a mental picture of her car before your girlfriend leaves or a visual image of the house and where things are placed before you leave. See if there are hair strands that don’t belong to you or your partner on the head rest of the passenger’s seat or your side of the bed. These hair strands might also be on the floor, in the bathroom or on your vanity mirror so be extra careful and have a keen eye for these.

Keep in mind where the towels are and what color your sheets were right before you left because if your partner and her lover are having sex on your bed then your partner will definitely wash the sheets to eradicate the soiled evidence of infidelity. Keeping your body wash and razor in the same place after using it can also be done because if they are not in the same place you left it, you can be sure that another person has used it and not your partner because the smell cannot correspond to her gender.

When you get home from work, see if there’s any condensation or water droplets in the bathroom because if there is, then it is definitely not from your morning bath.

A close friend or a family member can act as a support person but you have to be 100% sure that this is not your partner’s lover. Once you’re sure, you can then speak out your suspicions and try to be open to you support person’s point of view.

You must also ask this support person if he/she is willing to accommodate you if ever what you’re suspecting is true. This way, you won’t be alone during this crisis in your life.

If there’s no one who can act as your support person, there are always support groups in the community. Search for shelters and hotels are available where you can stay and pass time in case your partner won’t leave. But be aware that in the end, it is the cheating wife that should leave.

However, if you think that your wife can change and if you’re willing to give your relationship a second chance, be sure to state your expectations and whatever it is that needs to change. Make your statements clear and have therapists ready to back-up the both of you during this patch-up to avoid giving up on working out the relationship.

If you have decided to patch things up, just make sure your wife is also willing to do it because if he doesn’t, the situation will end up causing you much more pain.

Be clear about what you are going to say and be aware of what emotions you want him to know. Let her realize that she has to take responsibility of her actions. Don’t go about jumping, slapping and screaming as this will make your partner think that you are unstable. If your spouse sees that you are strong and able to control your emotions, they will realize that they have made a grave offense and will think that you can stand on your own even without them.

Don’t worry, you are not alone!

This situation, the experience of a spouse being unfaithful, is not an uncommon one but it brings pain and suffering in every new instance. The circumstances surrounding infidelity change, but the fact that someone has betrayed you in a deeply emotional way remains… it is time for you to face the situation and begin to do something about it.

Now, when I say “do something about it”, you might immediately jump to the conclusion that you should confront your spouse, instantly and furiously. Shout at them, make them hurt, demand their apology or that they pack their bags and go!

Well, this might be appealing, and the very nature of spousal infidelity does make you a victim… but this is not a time to act the victim, it is a time to take control and catch your cheating spouse!

You have a number of choices and options to pursue if you suspect your spouse is cheating on you. It is not enough these days to simply jump in there and yell at them and demand they stop. In these modern days of counseling, divorce, shared custody, court battles, and family interventions, you need to know what you’re up against BEFORE you confront the cheater.

You need to know the truth, but you need to go about discovering that truth in the correct and best way, to place yourself in the strongest position possible when it comes to the eventual showdown and aftermath of a cheating partner…

Discover how to catch a cheating spouse HERE

Stef

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